Star Wars 2015

CUT TO

EXT. TATOOINE, DUNE SEA—TWILIGHT.

Disney-fied Luke stares up at Tatooine’s binary suns, searching. The desert sky is a bowl of molten light. That familiar John Williams theme that inspired generations begins to play…

LUKE breaks the fourth wall by staring reproachfully at the audience and waving off the music. Then he clasps his hands together, nodding eagerly.

LUKE

No, it’s okay, guys. I got this!

LUKE hums a few bars and sings…

LUKE

I wanna be… where the Jedi are.

I wanna see… wanna see ‘em fencing.

Zippin’ around in those… what’d’ya call ‘em again?

Oh yeah! X-wings!

Jumpin’ your speeder you don’t get too far

S-foils are required for barrel rolls, quad fire…

Blowin’ up those TIE fighters,

And makin’ the jump to light speed!

Out where they fly, out where they fight

Out where the Empire’s dead in their sights

Forceful and free, wish I could be…

Off of this wooooorld!

What would I give… if I could live out of this desert?

What would I pay… to spend a day out of the sand?

(Cause it’s rough and it’s coarse and it gets everywhere!)

Betcha in space, Sith Lords I’ll face

And sure, they’ll reprimand their orphans

But with my master, and my blaster

I’ll make my stand!

I’m ready to know what the Jedi know!

Ask ‘em my questions and get some answers…

What’s a midiclorian, and why does it…

What’s the word?

SLAM CUT TO

INT. STAR DESTROYER—SPACE

DARTH VADER reaches out at nothing and screams in James Earl Jones’ voice:

VADER

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

3 Comments

Filed under Fantasy, Rants, Science Fiction, Writing

3 responses to “Star Wars 2015

  1. sparksmcgee

    YAY!!!

    Like

  2. And would Obi-Wan adapt “Be a man” from Mulan to “Be a Jedi”, and we’d have a silly montage on the Millennium Falcon just before Alderaan explodes?

    Like

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